Wednesday, April 20, 2011
My Heart Is Taken By Someone I can't Call As My Own
2 weeks ago, I got addicted to FB (again?). I'm literally clicking almost every application and link that the site offers. From it's homepage, careers, developers down to its terms and condition not to mention account settings.
I also had time to visit all of my friends profile to check what's new in their life until I saw Cosplay's page. Her page was like the usual, with wall posts, pictures, information and friend list. It was ordinary, except for one, the pictures below her name were replaced by a "Profile Banner". A banner that says,
"DON'T PLAY WITH ME COZ I KNOW I PLAY BETTER THAN YOU"
Out of curiosity, I clicked the link to check the site. As expected, the website has a lot of categories to choose from such as TV, Designs, Statements, Movies etc. I was browsing and browsing until suddenly, one of the banners really caught my attention. The banner profile says,
"I'M SINGLE BUT MY HEART IS TAKEN BY SOMEONE I CAN'T CALL AS MY OWN"
"Ouch!" It pinched my heart and I don't know why. I relaxed for a while then I realized that I'm thinking of a specific person, his name is LIONHEAD.
Lionhead is a 27year old Psychology graduate from one of the prestigious universities here in Manila. Btw, he's turning 28 this May (Advance hehehe). I met him on the so called "Forbidden Site" right after my relationship with Tumblr. He's good looking, 5'8", with white complexion. Oh, did I mention he looks like a Korean Popstar ^^
At first, I wasn't paying too much attention on him because like the usual, the conversation might lead to same thing again -- SEX which I mention on my previous blog as "not my priority". Fortunately, our conversation didn't boil down to Es Ee Ex. so day after day, I learned to appreciate him. Maybe because we have so many things in common. We both love Anime, we read Manga and most importantly, we believe in Zodiacs! Yup! you read it right, Zodiac Signs^^
Understanding zodiac is a big deal for me. With this, people learned how to appreciate other people by understanding their positive and negative character and behavior. People will know how to adjust with others because they became more aware and knowledgeable with other people's personality. The Zodiac binds us together.
Anyway, with Lionhead, I'm not really into him (That's what I thought) Why? Because like the usual Taurean, they are self-centered. They want attention but they don't know how to give it. They are the usual kind of guys who will just text you if they want want to. When you send them text message, expect a reply from them in a couple of hours or worse after a day or 2. And the irritating part is, when they finally text you, they will just say "hi" or "hello" as if nothing happened. They don't know how to apologize.
I got tired of his behavior. I got tired to a point where I allowed my self to be involved with another guy... His name is SILENCE.
Silence is just an ordinary type of guy who knows how to appreciate the person he really love. The problem is, he rarely talks. It was a very short yet memorable relationship with Silence because we seldom, if not never communicate at all. I tried to do small talks but he always failed to reciprocate. As far as I know, Communication is a two way process, without any response from the other side, that can no longer be considered as communication. If it's one way communication, it's dead end.... which means end of relationship.
Right after the break up, surprisingly, I receive an anonymous text message. I replied by saying "Who is this?". Then I received another text asking, "Bobby Tan?" I replied again, "Yes, this is he? Who is this?" then the anonymous person text, "Si Lionhead to. Binura mo number ko". I replied, "Ikaw pala yan Lionhead. Kmusta?"
The conversation was spontaneous. We even talk over the phone but I know something was weird. It's not the same Lionhead I know. He's replying to my text messages in seconds. He's giving me too much attention. Then one time I asked him, "Bakit mo ako kinakausap uli". Then he said, "wala naman, na excite lang ako. Ikaw bakit mo binura number ko?" he said it in a pa-cute voice. Then I reply, "Bakit ko naman hindi buburahin eh hindi ka naman nag rereply? Pag nag text ako sayo, ilang oras bago ka magreply. Minsan nga ilang araw pa nga. anong point para i save ko pa number mo? Alam mo yun. Naiinis ako pag di ka nag rereply pero hindi naman dapat kasi wala ka namang obligasyon saking mag reply. Tapos pag nag reply ka pa wala man lang kinalaman sa huling text ko. Ayoko ng ganon" I said it in an irritating tone. I was expecting an argument with him but he only said, "Sorry" in a very soft voice.
I felt something different when he said that word. Is it love? Nah! I tried to deny the feeling but I can't. I'm not sure what it was but one thing is for sure, he's someone special.
We then decided to finally meet however due to their company's schedule shift bid, he won't make it on our agreed date. He sent a text, "Bobby, nagbago sched ko may shift bidding kasi. Friday ako avail this week :-( may pasok ako ngayon wed morning. Nasa work ako" I replied, "Sad naman. Siguro nga not meant to be. Hindi ako pwede sa friday, nasa Baguio ako non". He then replied, "Naku ang arte naman, pls dnt say that. Kelan balik mo?" I replied again, "Sa sunday pa". The next message he sent was, "Pano ung bday treat mo for me? :-(" A bit irritated I replied, "Nakukuha mo pang magbiro?" I was expecting an annoying response but his next message stupefied me, "Sorry :-( making it light sa situation lang. Uhm dnt give up on me"
That message was really sweet. I still have it on my phone.
We tried to reschedule our date but it never worked out. This time, it's not about our schedule but his self-centered character. He wanted me to meet him in Alabang! I'm in Manila and he lives in Alabang. I said, "Let's meet half way but he's not willing to adjust. I got irritated so I texted him, "Kung hindi mo kayang mag adjust, wag na nga lang magkita". I did not receive any reply from him.
That was really sad. It's sad because I'm holding on to something we never really had.
So here I am, I'm Single, but my heart is taken by someone I can't call as my own...