Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Touch-Move


It was never my intention to post something today but that decision suddenly changed when I read an article on Yahoo. It says:

"Jason Collins announces that he is gay, altering the landscape of sports"

I don't know who Jason Collins is but I know he's a big name in the world of basketball. I read the entire article and the only thing I said was, Wow! Things really changed.

I know I've been posting a lot of entries pertaining to sexuality here in my blog. Some people might think that it's no longer an interesting topic but I beg to differ. Every time I read an article or hear stories of people coming out of the closet, it still creates a big impact to me and I know somewhere out there, there are people who share the same feelings.

Maybe because I know it's hard to tell the world that "Hey, I'm gay" or much harder to accept the fact that you're putting your family on the spot giving opportunity to less understanding people to mock them without your consent.

Announcing that you are gay is a very brave decision. You will never know what will happen next. Will you still have your family? Will you still have friends? Will you still have the same treatment that you're enjoying before? Nothing is certain. It's like finding your way in a maze while being blindfolded. Coming "out" is not something you can take back, like time, words and invites, you can never bring it back and if we will compare it in the world of chess, "touch move".

But despite these consequences, these brave souls still opted to choose the path of being true to themselves. But mind you, it's not easy because there are a lot of things/people to consider. They're not just giving the responsibility to themselves. Implicitly, they're giving their family the responsibility for other people to understand/accept who they are. It's hard. It's so hard that sometimes it takes months, years or even a life time to know the right moment.

Let me end this post by sharing my favorite part of the Yahoo's article which is part of Collins Column in SI.

"No one wants to live in fear. I've always been scared of saying the wrong thing. I don't sleep well. I never have. But each time I tell another person, I feel stronger and sleep a little more soundly. It takes an enormous amount of energy to guard such a big secret. I've endured years of misery and gone to enormous lengths to live a lie. I was certain that my world would fall apart if anyone knew. And yet when I acknowledged my sexuality I felt whole for the first time. I still had the same sense of humor, I still had the same mannerisms and my friends still had my back".

Monday, April 22, 2013

I Am Part Of That "SOME"


Some people find it hard to believe that they matter, that they're valued, that their actions create a positive impact to other people. These people need to be reminded that they're important, that they're loved and that that there's someone out there who appreciates every decision they make. 

I am part of that "SOME"

I need to be reminded that my way of life can change other people's perspective. Thanks to my friend Rainbow who helped me realize that I, in my own simple way can inspire many people like the way she inspired me by sending an overwhelming message on my birthday... 

"It is with deepest gratitude and thanks you have welcomed me into your world, the friendship, the bond and precious time we spent are more than enough to make me appreciate life more than the challenges it brings, more than the fun experiences, the laughter and good times the real beauty is knowing that life could be better- and I learned that from you.   When you were created, your parents must have thought how great a blessing you will be..not knowing somewhere far and possibly invisible, I am in the same way saying.. they're right!
You are wonderful and that's exactly how you make others feel when they're around you.. Your generosity and kindness with knowledge and charity is what draws you closer to people for knowing someone sincerely unselfish made it easier to look at the better side in everyone. Thank you for striving to be fair and just even when at times it could be tough. Thank you for with you I am not afraid to speak out thinking I might be judged. Thank you for being who you are and accepting me as I am.
I'd like you to remember everyday, even someday I might be away, that you are Loved.... because it's what you deserve.
Happy Happy Birthday!"

Rainbow, thank you for the friendship and thank you for making my special day, a day worth remembering!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

"Less Talk, Less Mistake"


I was watching TV series when I heard my phone beep more than ten times. It's a notification that I received FB message chat. When I looked at it, it was a conversation between my colleagues in High School.

They were actually talking about "The Reunion" of our batch. One of the main topic was the reaction of other batch-mates posted in our Group Page. Out of curiosity, I checked the page and I saw some sort of argument due to differences in opinion. Call me "emo" but those words I saw really made me sad.

The first time I heard about "The Reunion", I was really excited. Come to think of it, You got to see your high school friends whom you haven't seen for ten years. How cool is that? Imagine having a conversation with your old pals about the secrets and memories you shared together and at the same time, picture this once in a lifetime event of meeting not just your classmates but all of your batch-mates presenting themselves at a different level: More matured and More professional. Who in the right mind wouldn't want that?

The purpose of "get together" is to build a much stronger bond of friendship between old friends but the way I see it, what's happening is entirely the exact opposite. People are being blinded by their own opinions. It seems that everyone would like to have it on their own way.

I saw a good start from the committee but the challenge now is how to sustain everyone's "involvement" and "excitement" to this so called Reunion of the Year. I hate myself to think that we're not mature enough to hold this kind of event but then again, I know we still have time to prove everyone (our teachers, our children and ourselves) or should I say, we don't even need to prove anything to anyone because deep inside our heart, we know that we are now better individuals than who we used to be. We always move, act and think for the common good.

Remember: "LESS TALK, LESS MISTAKE"

I believe in Batch 2000. Together, we can still make history.

Friday, July 13, 2012

FOUR WORDS

It all happened so fast.

Actually, while, writing this entry, I'm still digesting every last detail of it.

For the first time in my life, I was speechless. My emotion was very unsteady and I did not know how to react.

What happened?

Simple: I just found out that my recent "ex" who broke up with me because he can no longer see/feel the so called "spark" was actually having sexual affair with someone else prior our break up. I just remember that long letter he sent me on facebook message where he indicated that for some reason, something's changed only to find out in the end that he can just summarized that BS into four words: "I CHEATED ON YOU".

Yes, again, I was victimized by INFIDELITY/THIRD PARTY

Why is it that people can't stick to only one mate? Why are they in a relationship in the first place? and Is it really hard for them to be honest to their partner specially during break-up? Do they think that it's hard to admit their mistake? or Are they even aware that it was a mistake?

DON'T EVER LIE AGAIN. JUST BE HONEST. EVERYONE DESERVES THAT.

P.S.

If you really can't be honest with others, then at least be honest with yourself ^^




"I Want To Feel That I Matter"


It's been more than a month now since the last time I posted an entry here in my blog. Many things changed and a lot of things happened.

Let's start with work...

Finally, I left the company. Although there are a lot of things to consider, it still boils down to being free from BPO for now. I want to explore the side of non outsourcing way of life simply because I'm not getting any younger. I need to think about my future and I need to focus my energy and skills to the "right" investment.

Like the dialogue of the main character in Transformers: Dark Moon Rises. "I want to feel that I matter". That's the company I'm looking for. A company where I can start a new life. A company that is free from crab mentality and autocracy. A company who lets its people to grow and think on their own because that's what they're hired for.

I am saddened to know that some people in authority forget that because they're too blinded by performance. For them, number is everything. But I tell you, our people is everything. Company will cease to exist if we do not care for our direct reports. If they do that, excellent performance will follow because "People who feel good about themselves produced good results".

It was mentioned in "Desiderata" that, "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain, or bitter for always there will be greater or lesser person than yourself." I just wish that all people understand that so they will be contented with what they have. So that they will not think that they are so much better than anyone else. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that being competitive is wrong. We must always be at the top of our game. It's just that we must always see to it that we are playing without compromising our values... without hurting somebody else. Always maintain a healthy competition.

Right now, I'm very happy with my decision. Although being separated with my earned friends was not part of that happiness, I am still thankful that I am enjoying my new life because, I know, in time, I will see them again ^^



Thursday, May 31, 2012

THE ONE? The End Of Forever


It started with a not so good day.

I was late for almost three hours because of oversleeping but still I opted to stay optimistic knowing that tomorrow will be the start of my long rest day.

When I arrived at work, I was at my normal phase. I say my usual "hi" and "hello" to the assigned guard then enter operations with a big smile in my face. I went straight to my station to log in then open my computer.

It was still a normal day for me... until I check my facebook account during my first break.

It has been several days now mula nung huli tyo nagkausap sa text, online or even sa phone. You're smart enough to notice, and im sure that u know something's going on - sabi mo nga sa isa sa mga previous tweets mo: "I know when something is not right."

I tried not to communicate for one reason. I wanted to realize your worth as my partner. The last time I was with you, nanibago ako. It feels to me that some things were not in its normal state. Especially my emotion towards us. I was happy to see you again; but unfortunately, the excitement wasn't there anymore.

I can't waste any of you time from here. I want to tell you with all honesty that I felt I've reached my limit. The SPARK is not there anymore. The RELATIONSHIP that I respected and looked up to for quite sometime has started to fade. The GLIMPSE of hope that I still can make this work suddenly went out, and the LOVE that we shared became memories to me from the last night we were together.

Sorry if this happened too fast. Sorry if it has to be this way. And sorry for I fall out of love. I'm saving you time and energy to live your life the way it has been planned, without my presence nor absence influencing it.

You've been a wonderful boyfriend Bob.
From the beginning I thought that I will be and can be the "better man" who deserves you, but sadly that "better man" was not me, can't be me.
I was just another nuisance who blocked someone else's way straight to you.
And that's another thing that I am sorry for.

I wish you luck in everything, especially in your carreer and your future plans in life.
As for me, I will live my life without any regrets from this action I just did. Because one thing is for certain, i truly loved you that I saved you from future pain and argument that I might cause.

I'm setting ourselves free from responsibility, free from paranoia, free from lies.
I am setting you free.

Soon you will find the man who will be the content of your future blogs, and the newest aquaintance of you circle.
From here, I hope you still consider me as one of your friends.

Thank you for everything and may you have the peace of mind in every decisions you make in life.

*By the way, you need not to give back anything that I gave you. Those are all yours to keep.
But I can personally give you back the ones you gave me before I head back to Singapore nextweek. Just let me know.



After reading his letter, I just replied with a simple:

Hi,

You don't need to give it back.

It's ok.

Bobby











Saturday, April 7, 2012

"It is Not The Destination But the Journey"


I am 20 minutes behind my schedule. My normal waiting time for hailing cab became longer than usual so I text my colleagues at work saying that they can go ahead without me because I don't think I can make it on our agreed time. It's really hard to hail a cab. Why? Because that day was Good Friday!

First of all, I wasn't late. In fact, I arrived in the office 20 minutes before my actual schedule. But wait, the story is not about what happened at work. It's about what happened during my travel going to work. As what other people would say it. "It's not about the destination but the journey, that counts".

"Buti bumiyahe kayo, kahit Mahal na Araw".

That's how I started the conversation with "manong driver" with the intention of buying some time for me to strategically transition my statement for my real purpose -- To get him drive faster! However, my plan changed with the way he answered my question.

"Kailangan eh. Kung hindi ako bibiyahe, hindi kami makakakain tsaka ordinaryong araw lang naman to sakin eh". said the cab driver. I was about to tell him to drive faster but I don't know what came into my mind when I asked a follow up question.

"Bakit naman?" I asked this question not because I have nothing to say but because I'm really interested to what he's about to say. He told me that he doesn't believe in Holy Week. He said that it's a living proof that we're still under the influence of Spaniards. He said that it's an obvious acceptance when Spaniards used to call us idiots. He said that if it's really a real Good Friday, why do they always have to change the date every year compared to Bonificaio Day who always happens every November 20.

That's his "silly" argument but come to think of it, he has a very good point. He even cracked a joke saying, "Sabi ng Panginoong Jesukristo, pasanin mo ang krus, eh ang tamad ng mga tao, ang ginawa, ginawang kwintas, isinabit na lang sa leeg nila" then he laughed.

The way he talked and the way he delivered his statements made me asked my ultimate question -- "Ano po bang religion niyo".

"Iglesia Ni Cristo ako" He said it with pride and conviction. He said it with loyalty and admiration. Then he told me a lot of information about his religion until he asked me the same question. "Ikaw, anong religion mo?"

"Ang buong family ko Iglesia Ni Cristo". That's my plain response to his question. He was surprised and at the same time, he's so happy knowing that my family is also a member of INC. By the way, I didn't lie. I just didn't tell him everything. He assumed that I'm still a member of this religious organization. I didn't tell him that I'm now an Agnostic. I gave him the satisfaction of enjoying his time telling me stories about life and religion not because I'm making fun of him but because I'm really happy seeing an optimistic person specially spiritually motivated individual who's very willing and very excited to share his beliefs in life.

20 minutes passed then I saw the facade of our office building. Back to reality. I realized that my journey ends here. It's short yet a fruitful one. I really enjoyed being with "manong driver" because he taught me a very important lesson in life -- and that is to hold on to my beliefs no matter how different it is with other people's opinion.

Monday, March 5, 2012

E.W. And One Team, One Makati


I'm not sure if it was yesterday or the day before yesterday when I received a notification request from a person named "E.W." on Facebook asking me to be their friends. My usual response? I just ignored it, thinking that they're just some of those random people who saw my profile somewhere else with the purpose of hitting the maximum number of friends in that social networking site. However, things changed when I checked my Twitter account.

E.W was all over the place. Almost all my colleagues at work that has twitter account were talking about them. Who is E.W.? No one knows who they are except for those people who created E.W. The way I see it, E.W. were created by a group of people who share the same sentiments about the account. These are not just ordinary people who will be pacified by simple things. The idea, if I will describe it, is somewhat similar to US TV Series "Gossip Girl" who keep on blogging personal stuff (usually, negative things) about people's lives with multiple intentions depending on the the person who read it.

Following my colleagues' conversation in Twitter, I finally decided to accept E.W.'s friend request then start reading their wall posts. I was shocked by what I saw but it's more of a mixed emotions. I was happy seeing that there are still people who cares for the account. Creating E.W. is a living proof that they still care and they're still hoping for the best. That's the right word, there is still hope and they know that in time, "changed" will happen otherwise they will choose to leave the company. E.W.'s basic information will support this statement. And I quote:
I am a mere pigment of your imagination... I am here to create a voice to those who doesn't want to speak... I am created not to create chaos but to avoid it by speaking the truth... I am here as a mere observer.

Saying I am created not to create chaos but to avoid it by speaking the truth only only means that their just trying to reach out the management team and they mean no harm.

On the other hand, I am saddened that as of this blog entry, E.W. only see the negative side of everything that it seems no good things was ever done by the management team for them. I'm saying this not because I'm part of management team but because I know for a fact that there are things done by management team which are beneficial to both company and it's employees (or at least that's what I thought). I am saddened that the creative minds of E.W. creator were used in this means instead of contributing their brilliant ideas in formulating solutions that will be more beneficial to everyone.

Finally, on behalf of management team, I would like to apologize to the creator of E.W. if our efforts did not meet your expectations. We cannot deny the fact that everyday, we faced different kinds of areas of opportunity. I know it might sound as a "cliche" but we are really aware of the situation and we're currently working on it. Just give us time and be with us so we can have a much stronger force in creating "Change" for the common good. No pointing of fingers because it will just exacerbate the situation. We are all under the same umbrella. We're in this together, We will learn together and we will grow together.

And as for us leaders, let this serve as a great lesson for everyone. We are all in the position so we should all act like one. No one is exempted to this rule. We should all lead by example. I know, nobody's perfect but at least live with dignity and integrity. Never ever compromise our values for our personal gain. Remember, E.W. was created because they "see something". We should all take it as a challenge so we can still work as "ONE TEAM, ONE MAKATI"

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

THE ONE - One Down, Forever To Go (Part 4 of Forever)


DEAR HON,

You used to be a total stranger to me
A random guy that I just need to see
But things changed, over a cup of tea
No more I, no more you, You and I became "WE".

The moment I saw you, I know I love thee
That's why it broke my heart when you said you need to leave
I asked my self, every minute, "Are we not meant to be?"
I'm glad, one morning, you're already calling me "Honey"

Our first conversation is just like the usual
Everything seems to be very casual
It's like talking to friends, which is normal
Who would have though that it will lead to 'sweet' word "MAHAL"

I said, I don't believe in courtship and so do you
I said I'm enjoying our time together, I think you knew
I said I like you and I'm very sure I do
You said you love me and I said I love you too.

We had our first fight where I almost give up
I was hurt by your reaction that it felt like a crap!
I was about to walk out because I don't deserve that
But when you say "I'm SORRY", everything seems so right.

We're both happy because we complement each other
No insurmountable odds can tear us apart as lovers
We'll do everything just to be together
Until the time we reach, even beyond forever.

I love you HONEY! Yes! I definitely do!
Needless to say, I will always be here for you
I know you love me and I love you too
I will keep my promise, "I will marry you".

HAPPY 1ST MONTHSARY!

It's been exactly 1 month since the first time we met. I never thought that January 29 will become the new turning point of my life. I always tell my self that there's no such thing as "FOREVER" but the moment I saw you, I know, "FOREVER" stay, "FOREVER" remain, "FOREVER" do exist!

That day (January 29),I was about to back out due to my stupid laziness but good thing I decided to see you... good thing I found you!

Being with you for a month is like being tied to love forever. We're a perfect couple. You made it very easy for me to be in a Long Distance Relationship. I never thought that I will survive this kind of commitment where distance and time keep challenging our heart. At first, everything seemed to be very hard, but with your unwavering trust, loyalty and devotion, I was able to hold onto our undying love.

I'm happy that I met you. I'm happy that you love me.
I'm happy that you're holding onto our forever.

I will always be here for you.

Loveyouforever,

BOBBY

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

THE ONE - The Promise Ring (Part 3 of Forever)

We spent his last day (in the Philippines) at their home in Cavite. It was a very long ride. I'm not sure if my exhaustion was due to our whole day activities with colleagues or from getting in and out of three vehicles just to reach our destination.

But who cares? No matter how hard the situation gets, I will do everything just to be with him. He's my sweetest! My Addiction! My perfect drug! Every moment I spent with him is a moment I treasure. (That's a line from a song) But literally, I Don't Want To Miss A Thing^^

I can no longer remember the exact time we arrived in their place. All I can remember is that the following morning, I wake him up.

"Hon, nagugutom ako, kain tayo"

That's how I started the conversation then he responded by saying "May pagkain dyan sa baba".

I was a bit surprised by his answer so after 5min I asked again, "Hindi ka ba nagugutom? Kain na tayo?" He answered again, "Meron dyang pagkain sa baba, nagluto sila". As you all know, it's not my house and we're not alone in the house so it's difficult for me to do things the way I wanted it to be so I just asked him, "Meron bang malapit na tindahan dito" He said "Meron, bakit?" I answered back, "Bibili ako ng pagkain ko".

Finally! He get up and check if we really have breakfast! (Good thing we have hehehe!) After breakfast we watched TV together then all of a sudden, he's gone. I found him in his room packing his bags. I watched him doing that for almost ten minutes before I asked, "May tanong ako sayo, sobrang busy ka ba?" He answered, "Hindi naman, bakit?" I responded, "Favor naman, pwede bang mamaya mo na lang gawin yan pag-alis ko kasi kaya nga ako pumunta dito para magkasama tayong dalawa pero di naman kita maramdaman" I said it in a very calm tone.

His reaction was like a guy who almost forgot his girlfriend's birthday then I saw him smiling back at me saying "sorry" in the sweetest way I know. That same smile which captured my used to be cold and lonely heart. He said, "itatabi ko lang tong mga to ah". I waited for five minutes then the next thing I know, we're hugging and kissing each other.

I even remember telling him, "Alam mo may mga nagagawa kang nakakasakit sa partner mo na hindi ka aware. Gaya ng hindi mo ako inasikaso kung nagugutom na ba ako kasi nga hindi ko naman bahay to. Yung pag eempake mo ng gamit habang nandito ako. Akala mo ba madali lang para sa akin na makita kang ginagawa yon na alam kong paalis ka na?" I said it in a very pa-sweet tone^^

He responded in a very pa-cute voice, "Ganon ba, sorry hindi ko alam kasi. Hindi naman sa ganon hon, siyempre iniisip kita. Masaya ako kasi nandito ka, kaya nga itinigil ko na yung ginagawa ko diba? Ikaw talaga"

That's one of the sweetest conversation we ever had.

It was a perfect day for both of us! We spent the next couple of hours lying in bed, sharing every stories we know, laughing and singing from the bottom of our heart and enjoying every minute of our time together.

After that, as planned, we visit one of the malls near their area with the purpose of printing his ticket. It took us less than an hour to do that then we decided to have an early dinner. Destiny made it happen for us to eat at the same restaurant (different branch^^) where we first met. How cool is that!

When dinner was over I asked, "Diba may bibilhin tayo?" He answered me with a question, "Alin?" I said, "Yung ibibigay natin para sa isa't isa, nakalimutan mo na agad". He responded, "Siyempre hindi, akala ko nga nakalimutan mo na eh. So anong bibilihin natin?"

The very first thing that entered our mind is a ring. Not just an ordinary ring but a "Promise Ring". They said that a promise ring symbolizes a promise or commitment between two people but for us, it's more than that. It's a promise to be together through thick and thin. A promise that no matter what happens, we will always be there for each other despite having a long distance relationship.

It took us less than an hour to buy the ring then the next thing I know, I'm heading back to Manila. It was supposed to be just a very normal ride but it turned out to be one of the saddest part of my life because tomorrow will never be the same again. Tomorrow will never be the same... without him by my side.

I almost cried on the bus knowing that the person I love the most will be leaving for Singapore. I want to calm my self by remembering our happy moments together. While I'm wiping my tears, I realized that I've got a ring on my finger. It's our promise ring. I looked at it then say the sweetest quote I know.
"I promise to be there when you need me, I promise to hug you tight when you’re lonely, I promise to wipe your tears when they fall and I promise to keep you, not for the rest of my life but for the rest of yours"